Not myself

Yesterday, I was at a friend's house and I did something out of the ordinary, for me. I was trying on a dress, but I had nowhere to go seeing as the floors were being done. Usually, I would wait for the floors to dry because it is logical. Instead of doing so, I decided to randomly change on the spot in front of my friend, who is beautiful, and possible being walked in on. After that, it occurred to me what I had just done. I didn't understand it.

I have a tremendous need to be freed. I want to forget that weight controls my every waking thought. I want to not check my ribs in the morning, or my hipbones in the middle of the night. I don't want to cry everytime I enter a clothing store, or try on something that I think will be too small only to find it is much too large for me. I want to wear clothes normally and have fun shopping and not make it a chore.

I just want to be free. Why can't I just be free from all this?