Fine. Show me your lack of respect.

Here is a scenario: You're walking down the hallway. You feel all eyes stuck on you like velcro. They snicker at your muffin tops and make faces at your disgusting theighs. Your arms are the talk of the century and your face... bloated like a frog. Every chuckle and every laugh you hear makes you want to off yourself and you tell yourself that this is what you want and because it is happening, this is what you deserve. Truth is, this is just a narcisstic way of dealing with yourself and your low self-esteem.

The very truth is: You're walking down the hall. All the eyes you think that are on you are merely everyday interactions amongst your peers. For the longest time, I didn't see it that way. I had become to indoctrinated with myself, I forgot other people had a life outside of my head. The only person that was tearing me down was myself.

I took away what I needed the most: respect. That is what kills me now. How could I have stripped myself from that? How did I become this kind of person?

Was starving myself a cry for attention or a sincere attempt to stop the stares and snickers? Well, the stares and snickers were probably for something else. I needed the attention and I still do. I'm not going to lie... annorexia feels good, but not in the way you'd think... just in the way you know. If you have ever been, you know what I mean.

I have yet to find something else - anything else- that can get me what I want and most of all, what I need.