I met my friend the other day. The peculiar thing with this friend is that his body is incredibly beautiful. When I touched him, I felt his bones and when I stopped touching him, I felt a longing to touch him again. Actually, the only peculiar thing with this whole situation is that I hardly find anyone attractive. For a total of two years, I lost my sex drive. The first year was due to anorexia. No sex drive, no period. The second time (year) around was due to unforeseen traumatic circumstances. Not only was this an incredibly terrifying experience, but it could have been generally avoided.
Back to the boy: bones jutting, defined hip bones, thin leg and arm structure... absolutely beautiful. The whole night, I "made fun" of his body only to part myself from the incredible attraction I had to him. I refused to let myself see his collar bones or I would have gone crazy. You see... the collar bones are the most attractive feature on a person. Since then (5 days ago), I haven't been able to alleviate him from my mind.
Could this have been an attraction evolved into an obsession? Or an obsession with anorexia/thinness to begin with? It seems although I am not physically anorexic, I am mentally, so I guess the bigger question is:
will I ever stop being mentally anorexic?
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